It’s a hard, hard thing to swallow pride after you’ve been selfish and spoiled for most of your life. It’s not a nice feeling, when your heart is screaming to make him yours alone, but your mind understands the importance of true friendship, something you haven’t had a taste of in a long time. You internally wish that he’s actually kidding and that he’s coming to your front door right now, but your head knows better than that, and you know he’s off having a blast with his best buds. But that’s what you want for him, right? For him to be happy.

But maybe the glorified heart shape is getting to you. Maybe things would have been alright if it wasn’t that godforsaken day on the calendar that was marked with hearts and arrows. If it weren’t for the global magnification with teddy bears, chocolate, flowers, pillows, pink, red, purple, romantic getaways, and every single possible allusion to Love on this earth, I would just shrug this off as another day with his friends.

To be honest, I think I’m wrong to want so badly to be with him. Some stupid, subconscious, selfish drive is pumping the blood through my veins at this very moment, something that feels that right now is the moment when every couple should be what they are: a couple. A singular being. A them. An us. Something in my unconscious mind is programmed to understand that today is the day when taken women don’t have to be alone. And what am I? A taken woman. Alone.

But that’s extremely selfish, and he did try to compensate by coming anyway, and bringing his friends. But that would be weird. And if he already made the promise with them, I’d be the selfish, clingy bitch that ruins plans. And I don’t want to be known as that kind of girlfriend. I want to be known as the girlfriend that’s flexible and understanding.

Maybe I’m even being unrealistic in that sense. I can only bend over backwards and understand so much. I’m not Mother Teresa and I’m not a genius. I have limits. And I’ve met them.

It’s patheric for a woman in a relationship to cry over Valentine’s Day. But call me out. I have.